Today my baby turns 1. As I watch her breast feed I think back onto her pregnancy and her birth and her first year. I announced I was pregnant with her when I was about 3 weeks pregnant I might have been 5 weeks along. I announced I was pregnant at church as I was excited. Oh well that I had planned on waiting 5 years between her and Aaron. So she wanted to be close in age with her siblings. After the announcement I had one church member that approached me about adoption. He told me that he and his wife had been trying to conceive for ten years. (And that he was unable to adopt through an agency because of his criminal history)
I honestly felt bad for them. I knew what was like to want a baby ie why I was a teenage mother. To say the least I did ask my husband about it and he told me that was not my problem and that he would never adopt out his children.
It was left alone for several months. I was now working as a medical assistant. Money was tight but we had saved our income tax money and could dip into it if we needed to. We worked opposite shifts and I had the weekends off and still attended church on Sundays. Well one Sunday I was pissed off at hubby. I was still upset about the fact "he joked*" that he was NOT the father. I told one of my friends and what happens? The same church member comes back around and asks if I thought about him and his wife adopting the baby.
This time I sat thinking maybe I might be getting a divorce, extra mouth to feed, what happened to me being excited about having another baby. Could I ever place a child for adoption. This is when Yahoo Answers became my lifeline. This is where I got to watch Gaia Rain (Joy) and MamaKate (Kate) and others talk about the down side of adoption. What the affects of adoption where on the adoptee and natural/first mother. Yes I thought about abortion and I have the right.I was about 20 weeks pregnant so technically I could have still aborted. My father and husband talked me out of it.
I was mad and angry and distance. I was working all the time all away up until I delivered Sara. My Obgyn wondered why I was I so resistant to Delivering at Medical Center of McKinney which only 2 years prior the nurse in labor and delivery asked me if I would like to place my son for adoption. I had the same nurse check me into the hospital but thank heaven a change in shifts and another nurse help deliver. Sara was born at 7:05 PM.
I love her. Even if it took six months to completely build a bond with her. This bond will last us a life time. A thing about bonds is they take time to make and commit on both parties to keep. Proper communication. Smiles that melt your heart.
I look at her and smile, she fell asleep nursing so I placed her on a pillow. My time to type and reflect backwards. She was so tiny, my smallest at 6 pounds 13.3 ounces. She was bigger than I was 6 pounds 7 ounces. I had by tubes clamped shortly after having her. Yes I ate ice chips and yes I lied to my Obgyn and told him that I didn't.
Sara was and is a sweet baby. Always cuddly. Loves attention and loves sharing (especially off the floor she drops you eat it LOL) She knew my schedule. Mondays she was a terror for Daddy or grandma - my gosh she did come for a month. As you might tell I am not close to family nor do we live close to family. I think it might be why we are still married.
Tuesdays were her days of acceptance that mommy had to go to work and Wednesdays were Mommy's short days thank GOD. Thursdays she mainly was well behaved and Fridays she was eager to get over and Saturdays and Sundays she got as much time with Mommy as possible. During naps I'd play with her Brother and Sister or cuddle them or fix them something to eat.
Sara has learned to accept her daily routine even tho she wishes I'd stay at home with her and take care of her. I got to see her first steps her walking, her learning how to crawl, how adorable she is when she bats her eyes. How stubborn she is until she gets her way. How she loves playing with Hot Wheels with her Brother Aaron and Fairies with her Sister Sabrina. That she is very socialable and more importantly she is mine to love and cherish.
* He says he was joking I took him seriously ie lack of proper communication.